Mind of Brian

Nuclear Test

Steven Hawking has divorced his wife. Apparently he is looking for a bigger bang. Actor Wesley Snipes refuses to pay taxes and says he will stay in Africa. I hear Darfur is nice this time of year.

Rush Limbaugh accuses actor Michael J. Fox of faking his illness. Limbaugh is accused of faking his integrity. George Bush will no longer use the term 'stay the course'.Instead, he will say

'Getting our asses kicked in Iraq.' Leader of North Korea says he's sorry for testing a nuclear weapon. Next time, send a Hallmark card.

Fema Pays for Hookers

Bush goes to Vietnam. He wouldnt go in the 1970's so why would he go now? Oh thats right, there's no war going on.(One of the few places) The fight against traditional marriage is on. Bush is really afraid that a traditional marriage will be between a man, a woman, and a horse, but if that horse happens to be christian then it's a different story. Why are people so up in arms about gay marriage? It's not like gay couples can reproduce? Fema fraud pays for hookers. Now that's relief. Amphetimines run wild in baseball. Players claim they spike their coffee and in the clubhouse call it leaded or unleaded. That beats Starbucks any day of the week.

She Don't lie Cocaine

   

Venezuela legalizes the production of Cocaine. Although the U.S. is pissed former Mayor Marion Barry is not. Assisted suicides happen during Katrina. Who is to blame? I think it’s Feema and not the doctors themselves. New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagan calls for a chocolate New Orleans. I think Martin Luther King Day really got to him this year. Lebron Jame’s mother arrester for DWI and then she kicks out a police car window, Lebron, now we know where you got you’re athletic genes from. Peyton Manning loses in playoffs and blames his offensive line while Tiki Barber also loses in the playoffs and blames his coach. Way to be good teammates guys, keep up the good work. Hockey claims they are “Different” and there are no problems in the league with steroids, while oddly enough players are testing positive for steroids. It’s the kind of double talk that reminds me of “I did not have sexual relations with that woman,” and “We don’t torture.” When will George Bush be impeached? You make the call. Probably within the next six months. No one likes to spy on their own people more than me, except maybe the U.S.government, so stop walking around in your underwear. I can see you.

Idiot of the Year

Idiot of the year award goes to college football player Marcus Vick who pulled a gun on three teens this week. Will that affect his NFL draft status? It was a good week for armed robberies as NFL wanna be Maurice Clarett also was arrested for robbery as well as former baseball player Jeff Reardon was also arrested for armed robbery. I dont know about you, but I remember when armed robbery was a crime and not something to aspire too. Call me old fashioned, but I'd rather see these players get more involved with bank robberies. Show some initiative and really pull a heist. In other news, its that time to travel to Mecca where each year, this year included, many people are trampled and killed. I've been to a couple of buffets like that in Vegas, but isnt the trip to Mecca supposed to be a spiritual journey? No one got killed at the million man march a few years ago. I remember when being religious didnt require you to trample others and kill them.

Show Me Your Titts

New Orleans is under water. Russia, please dont send submarines we know they dont work. America, you know you're in trouble when Cuba is offerring you help. Mike Brown steps down from Feema. And he was doing such a swell job according to the president. I think the biggest story of the flood will be cops shooting at the elderly and infirmed on that bridge that led to Crackerville and their gated community. If people dont think there is a difference with the way the rich and the poor are treated you try getting shot at by your own police while just looking for food and shelter. And finally, in sports news. Who is the biggest idiot? Terrel Owens, Randy Moss, or Dwight Gooden. If you said Dwight Gooden you are right because not only is he in prison but so is his 19 year old son.

Two thunbs upp and down

Movie theatre revenues are down. The last time I went to the movies I had to re-mortage my house for a box of  Ju Ju Bees. The

Gaza

pullout has begun. The last time I pulled out I got the girl pregnant, but that’s another story altogether. Second Soviet Submarine sinks. Maybe the Russians should stick to floating smaller submarines and rubber duckies in the bathtub.

The continuing saga of Terrell “Show Me the Money” Owens

http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/n/a/2005/08/12/sports/s002033D20.DTL

Bullshit

http://news.yahoo.com/s/huffpost/20050806/cm_huffpost/005233

Change thie Names to Cowboys

http://sports.espn.go.com/ncaa/news/story?id=2125735

The Hamptons Sound Nice

  President Bush takes a vacation during the Iraq war. Has any sitting president ever have done this? I dont even think Nixon would be that stupid. Ralfio Palmero is on steroids. The Viagra spokesman has three thousand hits, five hundred home runs, and five thousand woodies. Am I the onlt one that's worried about the Space Shuttle coming back into our atmosphere on Monday? I think those Mini cars are safer. Robert Novak says "Bullshit" on air to James Carville who has been speaking bullshit for years.

There's no Lying in Baseball

http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=2121659